Short Story: Who I Am
“I’ve learned to slam on the break before I even turn the key.”
When I had entered my freshman year of high school, I immediately grew overwhelmed and familiar with the cold, dark hold of self-doubt. As I joined all these new extracurriculars and activities, such as our homeschool soccer team, concert choir, and theatre group, I felt constant feelings of comparison and self-loathing. In truth, at times, it made me feel something nobody should ever feel: worthless.
This one lyric from the song Waving Through a Window is the line that lit the creative spark that led to the completion of this short story. Spoken by the titular protagonist of Dear Evan Hansen, this show-stopping number felt instantly relatable and personal to me, speaking to my own inner thoughts and struggles at the time.
It is to say, my heart wasn’t initially fully invested in this project. In truth, it was yet another assignment in my academic writing course with the Young Writer’s Workshop, and I, at first, treated it as nothing but just that: an assignment. Yet, as my writing mentor / uncle workshopped it, I found exactly the story i want to tell. And, though I was not instantly free from all self-doubt, as it’s something we face every day, it was the inciting event that allowed God to touch me at a youth trip months later.
What I’m saying is that God doesn’t always work how we think. If my life were a film (or, preferably, a musical), I would likely have, as soon as finishing the final draft, leaped up and started breaking into victorious song. (I could talk all day about writing in the imagination vs writing in reality, though I’ll hold up on that for another time.)
While I may not have felt immediate freedom and redemption from my anxiety and mental panic, this was truthfully a vital step in my path to deliverance. Without it, I dare say I’d be nowhere as satisfied with my identity as I am today.
I hope that this all speaks to you, and I also pray that this story resonates with you. Now, read on.
Who I Am by Joshua Schmitz
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CnzuGkMunX2-0swjUdHKv1Om_lv9qQhfnNZ6mDwzh4E/edit?usp=drivesdk
